A Rolercoaster of a Week

This week is under the control of a practical joker. I am having some of the best days since Kevin's death, mixed with some really awful ones. Yesterday actually was pretty good. I happened on a condo development in Kirkwood that is really reasonable and has enough room for all of my crap!! The location was not bad about 1 or 2 miles from Merrimack. Things were pretty good all evening except that I had an earache that was getting worse, I had not been feeling well the past few days. I thought an inner ear infection. Doris called and let me know that Mr. Russell had his pacemaker battery replaced and that Drew probably had the H1N1 flu. Mr Russell is home today. That is about the only good thing that happened today for me. the day started with the laptop crashing on the money file. My waffle was tough, I made eggs and drooped them down the front of my shirt. I kind of lost my temper and threw a TV tray down the basement steps and put a hole hole in the wall. Something else for me to take care of. I did manage to get the backup for the money file at least. I then tested the waters of driving. I had our wedding bands welded into one. It looked great, until 30 minutes when the small spot weld failed. Then I went to lunch with my sister, which was pleasant and uneventful.
I managed to get an ad in the post for this weekend to sell the Neon. That was another experience in cyber hell. Then I had the bright idea to put in the "Jesus Christ Superstar" CD. This is one I have never listened to before. This is the live Broadway performance with the original cast. Not thinking this is the one that the last song from Kevin's memorial service came from, as well as some other songs that are more profound in this version. Then I proceeded to have an emotional overload and just balled for half an hour. I do feel better, the earache is gone and I am now just tired.
Well as scarlet said "Tomorrow is another day". I have to say all in all that I am doing far better than most of those who know me thought I wood, this includes myself. Kevin insulated me from so many things that everyday life requires, that in some ways I am almost like the child just on his own. I know that he just wanted to take care of me, but in the end I should have made myself be more aggressive about the business details of life. I think that is what makes me the most angry, not really at Kevin but at myself for allowing so much of my independence to go away, never thinking that I would need it. I was more than happy to let Kevin take care of the details. So in the end I only have myself to blame for my inability to deal with some of the intricate things in life. I guess it is time for me to grow up and take charge of my life. This adult thing is really SUCKY!