One Month

Kevin passed one month ago today, I do not know why I had such a bad night last night. Was it the memories of his last night, or the pluming problems. It was probably a combination of the two. Kevin always took care of the maintenance on the house and he probably would have been able to steer me into the right direction in the first place. As it was I stayed at home and watched TV, and cried most of the night and early morning. The overwhelming sense of loss was nearly as bad as when he died. I feel better today, but I am still haunted by the life we could have had if only ? I wanted so badly for him to treat the infection this last time but I could not say that. Kevin needed my support and I gave it unconditionally. He would ask me if I was OK with the decision and wanted me to give some input. I told him I was but refused to elaborate. I really think Kevin was more afraid of what taking care of him was doing to me than himself.
Well off for another BBQ at my patents. I think I will make an extra effort not to darken the day. But I am not making any promises. I am really on the edge right now and let's face it my drive to crazy has never been more than getting the keys out!!