Life moves me forward

Registered for classes this fall at UMSL today. I am considered a Junior level student. Trying to get everything caught up after being gone so much the past couple of weeks. Went to Jasper to watch Joey, and Becky's brood. Becky and Zack went to DC for his 16Th birthday. With a total of 7 self at home it was busy. the ages range for 4 to 11. Amazingly enough the 2 youngest, 4 year olds, were little to no trouble at all. The others are old enough to need some drama going on most of the time. It is interesting to see how they manipulate one another to get yet another mad. I wish that I had a camera recording all of it. That would be reality TV.
On the way back yesterday I found my thoughts turning to Kevin. He has been on my mind a lot lately. I am not sure if it is because I went out on a real date Saturday night or what. I had a good time and enjoyed the evening. I must admit that I feel a little bad for having a good time with another man. I know in my mind that I shouldn't but I do so there is little that can be done about it. Moving on is far more difficult than one can imagine. Sometimes I still wake up and expect Kevin to be in bed next to me, that is only a rarity anymore. When it does happen I feel a huge relief until reality sinks in, then I just sigh and go on. I probably will always do this to some extent.
This is the longest post I have done in a long time. I need to keep up with this more. Face book is more of an interactive formant, but it is short and sometimes a little awkward.

They like me they really like me!

I was accepted to UMSL school of Psychiatry! I applied a month ago and was very unsure if I would be accepted. I have finally answered the question "What do I want to be when I grow up?". I decided upon this course after Kevin died and the counseling I received was so helpful. I realized that during my years at Food Outreach visiting with clients home bound, that I did have an ability to give a direct and usually appropriate answer. Kevin would have been terrified if I had this career path in mind while he was alive. Well with all the crazy out there and in here it sure could not hurt to fully understand the issues that arise and the proper ways to deal with them.
I now have a course of action that will occupy the nest 4 to 6 years of my life. Who knows maybe some day I will be addressed as Dr. Ritch?

8 months already

Kevin died 8 months ago today. It does not seem that long, and sometimes it seems like years. We welcomed a new baby to the family on Saturday. Brennen Michael Paul Russell. Brian and Andrea are the parents this makes 15 in the great niece, nephew list! His birth brought back the memory of when Brian told me they were pregnant. It was last August while he was hear to see Kevin just before he died. I was smiling when I thought of it. Kevin was still with it enough to understand when we told him about the baby. I think a little of Kevin went to Brennen, that is a comfort, it could also be a nightmare for Brian and Andrea.
Life continues to move ahead. School is almost over for the semester, and this weekend I am going to Joey's. Finals next week, then a 2 week break until summer session. Time is passing by quickly. I feel like I am almost caught up with the world now. Not completely, but almost. This summer is going to me the challenge, We usually took a few little trips and a week somewhere. I really don't have much desire to go anywhere. I have thought about a lot of places, all of which I went to whit Kevin. I have to start doing new things and going to new places to separate this phase of my life from the past. I have found that starting over is not so easy. The past creeps into the present in such a stealthy way that it is sometimes scary.
The tears and depression are less now but still sneak up on me without much if any notice. I know that life is out there and I will get to it soon. I am just not ready to dive in fully yet, just some toes in the water for now.