My New Years Resolution

I have decided to make one resolution this year. I have not made any in years. I am going to get back in touch with the world. The more I think about the future the more I see that the grieving process is moving forward. I know that I will never have the normal life I had come to know and depend on with Kevin, but a new normal. The trick is to balance the memories of what was with the reality of what will be. The past is unchangeable, the future is wide open. I have to decide what I want out of life for myself. Did that sound narcissistic? I am giving myself permission to be a single person again. That does not mean that I am ready to try and date or even really meat someone new for any serious emotional commitment, but the world is full of other lonely people who want a little comfort too. I have to get my health back under control or that will reach critical mass soon.
Last night at the grief co uncling group, one of the facilitators mentioned that I seemed more relaxed, and I realized that I was. For the first time in what seems like years I am relaxed. The condo is coming along and I am starting to get a handle on things. I am making plans, and looking forward to completing them. I will always miss Kevin, no matter where I am or what I am doing. He is a permanent part of me that is now beginning to be a comfort instead of a burden. I guess that the books are correct. You never loose your grief, or finish morning, it simply changes into something else. With luck it changes into something that gives you a smile not a tear. I hope to get there someday, but for now I will take what I can get.