I am still having a lot of trouble missing Kevin over the past couple of weeks. Monday is my mom's birthday, the only thing I can think of is Kevin died 5 months ago Monday. I do not know why this is setting in so hard. I can not get away from it. This weekend away left me a lot of time to think about things and realise that I must try to get a plan for my future. Not necessarily a multi year forecast, but at least for the next 6 months.
The only things I am sure of are school, selling the house, working on getting my sugars under control, and letting myself at least try to feel some happiness. I really do not see how that is going to be accomplished. I have to try. Without getting some happiness in my life I have not the will to even get out of bed. I see the commercials about rescuing animals and the cats call out to me. I know that I am not ready to have that kind of responsibility yet, if ever. Everything that I have loved and been responsible for the past few years is dead. I have a little guilt over the whole situation. Some of the most joyous moments of my life were with Kevin and the cats. They were my family and now they are all gone. I feel at lose ends and without any direction. just trying not to cry most of the time is getting to me too much.
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