Holidaze are upon me

I have been busy at nothing it seams. Every time I manage to accomplish one goal 2 more pop up or I forget until the last minute. Spent last evening with the Russell clan. The kids were a blast! It was strange how the seat next to me, a chair with ottoman was empty. No one tried to sit in it. Somehow it was filled with Kevin's spirit. I know this is strange and most think I am nuts, but he was there with us. His absence in physical form was like the 300 pound gorilla in the room. No one talked about him. It was strange, as if simply mentioning him would make things worse. The kids did not know the difference, but every adult knew it. The kids do not ask about Uncle Kevin anymore. I know the little one's will forget him in time. Heidi should have a few memories of him though.
I received a card from Lou and Carol they had a tree planted in Kevin's name at a national forest. This seems fitting. Something with his name will be around long after we are all gone. I wonder if it will even matter? In two or three generations we will all just be stories associated with pictures. Strange to think of yourself as an image with no real meaning to someone. The new year is coming and with it new memories. Maybe a new life can start form the ashes of the old one. I am not holding my breath. HA HA. The idea of being in a life without Kevin is still so foreign to me. I just can not fathom how I will be able to go on. I still want to discuss the day and decisions with him. Sometimes I do. He has yet to give me an answer.
I know that writing this is for myself, and not truly for posterity. Yet is gives me a feeling of touching the outside world and still remain here in the memories that make me comfortable. Baby steps, that is what I am told. Well the baby is ready to have a meltdown. The needs of the one are starting to outweigh the needs of the many. I am looking forward to something, I just do not know what yet.