Painting and Moving and Notifying OH MY!

Yesterday was very long. I started at 7am, went to school paid my tuition, went to get the Occupancy Permit for the condo, and was back home by 9. then I went to the condo and painted until about 10pm. Dave was there almost all day and we did the living and dinning rooms with 2 coats! Dale and C.C. came later and painted the Kitchen. Kitchen needs a little touch up and then it is all done. I did receive a call from Dan at Valhalla yesterday and he is suppose to call me back today. At least I am getting a response finally.
This has been a rough patch for me. The move and feeling a little like I am abandoning Kevin and the wonderful life we had together. He has been very active in the house lately. I hear him walking in the hall and upstairs. Kevin's cologne is strong in the house also, his side of the bed smells just like he is there, or just got up. I really had a balling fest last night. I think it was a combination of exhaustion, frustration, and angst. I felt much better after and really slept well. I am not moving too well today. Have so much to do before Thursday, and I am putting it off until the last. I am questioning the decision to move at all. I know in my mind it is the best thing for me. In my heart that is a different story.
Everywhere I look the house has memories of the last 14 years. Wow on the 17Th I would have lived in this house for 14 years. That is the longest I have lived anywhere in my entire life. The house represents my life in many ways. When we first moved in it was not bad to look at, but the systems were not the best. Over the years with upgrades it has become a strong and secure home that will weather almost anything, keeping those who live there safe and secure. When Kevin and I fist moved in my health was failing, and I really did not think that much life was left for me. As new medications improved my health, I realized that life was not as short as once was believed. Kevin and I began to look to a future beyond the next few months, but in the terms of years. I now have that future, but the cost was horrific, leaving me alone and longing to go back. I know that it is not possible to do that so forward I must proceed.
The hardest is balancing a future with no Kevin with the past that was all about us. Truly the most difficult part of loosing the person you shared your life with is adjusting to the singular. I have not done it yet. When or if I ever will remains to be seen. I can not see myself with anyone except Kevin. That is just my cross to bear. Well enough of this I have to get on with the day.