Getting Seteled

Well a few nights at the new place and I am settling in. Have unpacked a lot, but have a lot to still get out of the house. I have Jury Duty this week and can not find the pass to get in with. I am sure it is somewhere in the paperwork I took over yesterday. The condo is starting to feel a little like where I belong. Every time I come to the house the idea that Kevin will be waiting for me is diminishing. I am starting to fully accept that he is never coming back.
Yesterday was long and arduous. I have the bedroom set up and just need to get the art hung, and the couple of boxes put away and that room is complete. The dinning room is another matter. it is full of empty boxes and the unassembled table. I have to move all of it into the second bedroom for Bill to do the trim painting anyhow. The kitchen is as well as can be expected with 2 fridges, and a washer in it. I know things will work out in time. I just feel that time is of the essence for some reason. I want to complete this and get the house sold. School will start on January 17, and I want to have the condo completed by then.
Kevin is constantly on my mind as of late. I am second guessing everything I do as if he were questioning me, all in my mind of course. I can not help but wonder if he misses me as much as I do him, and would he be OK with the decisions that I have made? I know that is a little creepy, but it is the way I feel none the less. I am starting to accept that the grieving process is never going to end. I had the idea that by now life would have moved forward for me. Most days I feel it never truly will. The strange part is that it no longer oppresses me. Could I be accepting the future in store for me, and and not the one I had planed.
Planning, strange how the plans we make can be so destroyed by reality. The knowledge I have gained over the past couple of years about this could fill a book. I always thought that my personality was one that could accept and embrace change at a whim. The truth is that I am far more like Kevin that I could have ever known. We always appeared to be such polar opposites, I was just more outgoing than Kevin. Possibly more self assured, and defiantly more careless. Kevin always analyzed what he did before doing it. I have always just done it, and worried about the consequences after. Now the need to examine each decision made is a necessity. I no longer think about what is the most fun, or the coolest item. I think about the practicality of it and the cost. This is so unlike me. Well I have put off sorting and packing long enough.