A Tough Decision

Max has been having issues with pooping on the furniture and laying down by it lately. It has become daily over the last week. He would do it whenever I came back from being gone. Spot has been getting thinner and thinner over the past year. So today we went to the vet. She expanded that Max was basically in deep depression, Spot was just getting old. They needed more time and care than I could give them to get any better. She actually suggested kitty Prozac for Max twice daily. I knew that I could not do that. We discussed adoption and with Spot's temperament she was not adoptable, and Max while a loving baby, had issues that made him the same. I made the choice to have them euthanized. I am sure that I made the right decision not only for me, but for them as well. Max had become more depressed aver the last few weeks. I was starting to get so angry that I was afraid that I would hurt him. I could never have forgiven myself for that. I hope that Kevin can understand why I had to make the decision I did. I am sure that Max and Spot are with him and Alex wrestling and playing with one another. Well Max and Spot, Alex is probably being his aloof self.
I am barely able to take care of myself right now and keeping them would have been selfish. They were use to being the center of Kevin and my world. We did indulge them. In many ways they were our children. Kevin was the pet lover, far more than I. He knew that they would love him unconditionally, and always need him. I am the same. I will always need Kevin, but have to learn how to get by without him. The strange thing is I don't feel his presence as much as I did in the weeks following his death. I guess he is moving on to whatever is beyond this realm of existence. One can only live a double life for so long. The pull of this world must have become weaker. Kevin wanted to make sure I was doing OK. I am not sure if I am or not, I do know that I will survive no matter what. I am and have always have been a survivor. I have often said once you have faced your own mortality it is amazing what one is capable of. I have done this and realized that life is not always happy, or even worth while. It is the best we make of it. I am going to make mine one that Kevin would be proud of.