Finding my independence

I bought a new laptop on Saturday, and managed to get it started, set up, and transferred the info from the old one all by myself. For those of you who know me you will know this is a major accomplishment. I have never done anything like this alone before. Kevin always just did it, and made it work for me the way I wanted it to. I am trying to do things with the detailed approach that Kevin had. I am not so good at details. Things are starting to come together with the legal and financial portion of Kevin's death. I am wanting to keep him alive somehow but it is not as easy as it sounds. I do not hear him in my mind so much telling we to calm down and read the directions, as I have in the past. This will be the 10Th week since he died and I am starting to feel that life will somehow be OK. I am not going into the what ifs as easily, and am able to fend them off most of the time. I was able to listen to "Jesus Christs Superstar" and not break down. The ending is not meant to be a joyous song and it is the song that played while we held his memorial service.
I am a little hesitant to make the move to leave the home we shared for so long, but I can not stay here. Being at home is not bad at all, it is when I leave and come back. To walk into this house and not have Kevin waiting for me to tell him of my latest adventure is a little death each time I come in the door. It is a reminder that he is gone from my life and will not return. It is a reminder of how alone I am in my life. Being alone is something that I can cope with, it is the emptiness that comes with waking up in our bedroom alone every morning that makes me go to bed a little later each night. The necessity to get away from here is becoming more apparent to me. My life has to change. The only way to change for me is to break with the constant reminders of Kevin. He is always in my heart, and just below the surface of my conscious life, and in my unconscious he is always there somehow.
My ego is not been doing so well either. I have no illusions about myself. I am difficult, demanding, dastardly, and well a spoiled brat. The later was indulged by Kevin in more ways than my parents. Kevin wanted me to have what I wanted, if he could get it he did. I have been so sheltered from the realities of life that I am not sure if my progress is in my mind or for real. Well I have been living in Kenny land for so long, and the weather there has been cloudy and rainy for the past couple of years.