The last of life's treasures

Today, with the aid of many others I was able to get the rest of the stuff out of the house and into the condo. Only a few small items remain that will be better transported in the car. Looking at the home I shared with Kevin for almost 14 years was strange to say the least. Nothing of us really remains except for the downstairs. All of the upstairs rooms, except the kitchen are painted a soothing light tan. The rooms look large and bright. The intimacy of our home no longer exists. I sometimes regret leaving the house. I have made decisions that are truly for my best. I have to let go of the notion that Kevin and I have a home or life together any longer. I have to move on. This is what I tell my head, my heart is another matter. I still long for the sound of Kevin shaving and getting ready for work in the morning, his asking me what is for dinner, and rolling his eyes at the answer. The way he would come up and hug me while I was using a knife or at the stove. I always thought he had a death wish at those times. The way he would listen to my latest crazy idea, or smile when he heard about my day. I miss him telling me what happened at work, or the new thing he want to investigate.
Looking back those are what made our life so ordinary, and yet they are also what made it so extraordinary. I saw something on Facebook about the ordinary day being what parents miss the most when children leave. I know form experience that is what you miss when your mate leaves as well. We adjust to a new ordinary as time goes by. With Kevin and I it was moving through the stages of his illness. I had to try to make the changes in routine as close to ordinary as possible so we could both keep our sanity. Kevin tried as well. Sometimes we tried too hard and overlooked the obvious.
The need to keep the ordinary sometimes forced us to loose out on the extraordinary. Kevin and I had wanted to go to Europe for years, it was one of those things that we would do someday. I now understand that one should never put off one's hearts desire until someday, in most cases it never comes and all you are left with is the regret, and loss. If everything that has happened in my life has taught me anything it is to live in the moment. Tomorrow, if it comes, may be too late for the dreams of today. We all make these choices and realise too late that they were not the correct ones. Time is the greatest commodity we have and when it is run out no more can be bought, fought, or bargained for. Time is a finite and once your allotment is used up it is gone for good. So remember the ordinary, it is what we will have the most amount of and it gives us comfort and security. The extraordinary is to be strive and fought for, because without it we can never realize just how wonderful the ordinary truly is.