Kenny has to start over alone

When I woke up 30 minutes ago, on the sofa with a little fog from the sleeping pill I needed last night, my first thought was time to get Kevin's breakfast . Kevin has to have a little food before he can take his meds. Just as I reached for my glasses I remembered that Kevin is gone. For a moment my heart st oped and fear came over me. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? I was prepared to let him go, but I feel as if he was riped out of me. He was so helpless the last few weeks, this killed him inside faster that the infection that took his life. I remember JoAnne for Dr. Linnet ts office telling us she thought of the tumor as the great big monster. I better understand now what she meant. First you are in fear of the unknown, then for your life, treatments that could do more harm than good, a sense of hope from the devastation, then other monsters are allowed to attack. Thew monsters are sneaky and hide anywhere. They have to be cut out and doused with chemicals that may or may not work. The monster is destroyed and you start to rebuild . We all know these stories has sequels, so round 2 begins with early detection. The monster is smaller and more easily destroyed. The third time is no charm, the franchise is over and the hero is overcum by the monster, because of all the damage that allowed it to be there in the first.
The hero puts up a struggle unlike anything humanity has ever seen, and yet the monster wins. The hero is forced to surrender and led away for a slow death.

This is the premise of many stories of fiction. But is the truth of the story of Kevin Russell. The monster slowly tuck all from him that made him Kevin. Being forced to watch this happen daily leaves one full of rage at everyone and everything around that reminds me of him. I feel abandoned by promises that were never kept.
I feel violated and most of all empty part of me was not given like a transplanted organ. That part was gouged and riped away like an overwhelming attack who promises release but too late you realize the price is worse that the captivity could ever be. How can one live bisected, ripped in half no anaesthetic just pain and emptiness.
Kenny


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