Attorney

Yesterday Keith, Teresa and I went to the attorney. It took 3 hours and I was luckily excluded from it. I am dealing with the ramifications of Kevin's death with the car insurance, almost canceled, and cell's had to be switched into my name to keep them going. Dealing with all of this had me missing Kevin very badly. These were the things he took care of. I am far from incompetent but it has been 15 years of Kevin insulating me from these things. I thought all was OK until I called Kevin's cell and his answering message was gone!! I am going to contact them again today and attempt to get it retrieved.
Last night I actually got onto the bike. I also was looking through the TV cabinet downstairs and found 3 photo albums that had the photos I was looking for. That was a relief. I was worrying that Kevin had disposed of them accidentally. Most are from our first years together and brought back a lot of wonderful memories. I even was able to get the turntable working and frond the Art Garfunkel album. Had a nice time remembering what was so faded in my memory. Now it is back to reality and I have things to get done in order to just keep an semblance of a life. I am going to throw myself into the house and get it ready for the yard sale.
The big test will be Friday night at the Happy Hour. I don't know if I can handle all the sympathy that is going to be coming my way. I will be entering the post Kevin social world. How strange to think of myself as single. I am at least correcting myself when I say we, our, us, and the like. I think this is a healthy way to remind myself in the middle of a conversation that I am myself, not part of a unit any longer. The thought of being alone in the social setting of this couple orientated world is daunting. I am now the fifth wheel in the group. I am feeling truly alone right now and it really is not as bad as it seems. I don't have to worry about anything but me, and what I want and need. This is very strange. The majority of my adult life was spent as Kevin and I. Now I have to be the adult. Even when Kevin was sick he still tuck care of the things that went into being fiscally responsible. Let's face it I am good at spending money not making it! I have to rethink everything with the consequences to myself. Where I use to think "Will Kevin kill me, yell, just roll his eyes, or just say "yes that's nice.".
This adult thing is not going to be easy.