Weirdnes of Life

I have had a lot going on this last week. Had a visit with Russ, a friend of Kevin's from 1972. I was not even in school yet! We had a very nice visit and talked a lot about Kevin and ate sugar free chocolate chip cookies. I was able to get some perspective on some things that have been on my mind since Kevin died. I was suppose to be on a date Sunday. I canceled it, just did not feel right. I am not sure if it was him or what. I realized that I am not willing to attempt to see someone who is still semi-closeted. Speaking with a gentleman at Bad Dog while watching the Olympics Friday night allowed me to realize this.
So much for my attempt to reenter the dating world. I have found that I am happy living alone. This has come as a surprise to me. I have never done well on my own in the past, and maybe that is why I have historically chosen the wrong person. When Kevin and I met I was not looking or wanting any type of relationship, yet it came along and was the best part of my life. I am also realizing that I am set in my ways. I still carry a lot of the things that Kevin and I did together with me today. I still sleep on one side of the bed. I never lay on Kevin's side. Weird that I should think of it as Kevin's side, he never even saw this bed. I have been getting the back bedroom cleaned out and that is starting to actually look like something more than a storage room.
I am wanting more of a social life, just unsure how to go about it. I have decided that this summer I am going to take a trip after the intersession classes are over. This is going to be just for me and about me. I am thinking of going somewhere that I have never been before. A new adventure for a new me. What a crock, I do not like change and would not be comfortable in a place that is totally foreign to me. I may just make a trip to KC or New Orleans. I have also always wanted to go back to Savanna. All of these places Kevin and I have been to before! So much for new me. Well I have to get on with reality.