Reflections

The last week has been one of sadness. Deloris, my Uncle Denny's girlfriend of several years Passed away on Friday due to complications of cancer. This has brought back all of the memories of losing Kevin. I decided not to attend the services. I did not wasn't to take away from her family with my inability to cope. This is turning out to be a worse Valentines Day that I had expected. I knew that it would be difficult. Fifteen years ago on Valentines Day Kevin put my ring on my finger. I have not taken it off, other that when I was in the hospital, since then. I even had his cut down and wear it with mine. I am wrestling with not wearing them any longer. I just feel that it is the final way to bury Kevin. I just can not bring myself to do it. Possibly I never will.
Kevin always made sure we went to dinner on Valentines Day. Even after Keith and Doris moved back. Valentines Day is their wedding anniversary. We always managed to find time for us to have our time alone. That was something I always took for granted. The last two years Kevin was alive we did not go out to dinner, he was doing the radiation and was too sick, last year we just were not up to it. i went to pick something up, probably Outback. I can not remember exactly. Kevin and I were together for so long that the time seems to run together, but it was not enough. No matter what we have it never seems enough, the time that was wasted can never be regained. That is the hardest lesson to learn. Waste anything but time.
Time is a commodity that we can never purchase more of or replenish in any way. Time is the ultimate teacher. I think of how little time fifteen years seems now, comp;aired to when I was twenty, then it seemed an eternity. Now I have a much more accurate idea of what eternity truly is. Lessons learned as one ages are the most valuable of all. The are the ones our parents try to tell us about before me have the hardship of learning them ourselves. Strange how the most important things must be learned through pain and loss. I guess that this is why youth is wasted on the young. I heard this so many times in my life and now I know how true it is.
Well I have to get some kitty love tome in for the day. I was gone for a long time today and they need a little extra loving for my tardiness. I get more out of it than they do anyway.