Less than 12 hours

It is less than 12 hours until the exact time of Kevin's death one year ago tomorrow. Today has been emotional hell, and with a multitude of problems. I was hit by an uninsured driver this afternoon, in a car licenced in IL. expired of course, she lives in St. Louis, and has a Missouri drivers license. Once again uninsured! I feel like fate has it in for me. Not too long ago I really thought I was doing better, now I know that the rest of my time in this existence is going to be nothing but pain and disappointment. I have no hope of any sort of happiness, or even contentment. Hell I would settle for a dull ache. It is as if the world is out to get me in everything I attempt to do. I am almost ready to give up trying, it is fruitless. Why even get out of bed, except for the cats.
I have even less hope in my life than I did at this time last year. I knew that Kevin was no longer in pain, he was in a coma by this time, and that he would soon be at peace, or at least not in constant pain. I thought at the time it would just be easier to die with him, now I know it would have been. Life is not optimistic for me. I am alone, lonely, and without any hope of ever being any better. I only hope that this ordeal is soon ended. My body, so frail for so long, is holding up far too well. Maybe my punishment for my transgressions is to live on and bear this horror.